I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
