An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
