i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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