Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
