If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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