Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
