you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
