I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
