You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
