So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm like, not good at living.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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