You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
