you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
