Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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