Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
