p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
