i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
