There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
