do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
