hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
