I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
