I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
