My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
