im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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