Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
