I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
