Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
