I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
