it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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