I can text with my tongue
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
