the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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