One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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