please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
