I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
