If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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