I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
