she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want her autograph on my taint
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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