So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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