Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
