tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
