I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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