Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
