I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
