if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
