People in love make me want to vomit
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
