First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize