i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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