im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
