just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
