I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
