Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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