I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
