If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
