Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
