i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
