im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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