There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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