12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
