well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
