She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
