Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just googled if crying burns calories
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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