Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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