I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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