Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
