woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
