The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
