Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
