bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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