Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
