In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
